1/02/2015

so... i got my mission call!!!1!!11!


yess!!!! i got it, about a few weeks ago! and i cannot even comprehend how excited and thrilled i am for this opportunity! i'll be serving in the New York Utica mission and will report to the Provo MTC on February 18th!!! when i say to myself "dang i have about a month of real life left" it's all starting to feel real. February 18th is right around the corner. i'll also say to myself: "for my birthday this year i'll be out in the field serving" or "dang, i'm gonna miss that movie cause i'll be on my mission" lol. but that's honestly no problem for me at all! cause i know for the next 18 months i'll be ridiculously happy and selfless. 

i'll share with you what i've gone through for this mission call and how i knew for myself wether i should serve or not. this past year i've been preparing for this mission call and let me tell ya, it wasn't easy. i kept pushing my papers one month, and then three months, and then towards the end of the year. it was really frustrating to be honest. i felt so ready to leave, but something would come up and i had to keep pushing my availability date. i felt stuck. i was looking at my life as a timeline of events:

  • (in April) "i'll finish the semester and then i'll send my papers and i should be called right away and leave by the end of June!" 
  • (in May) "okay, i'll work on my papers now, take the summer semester off, and i can still leave by August/September!!"
  • (in June) "fine, i'll set my availability for October so i can work and save up"
  • (in July) "okay i'll just take fall semester off so i can prepare and work and put my availability to leave in february of 2015 so i can visit the family for the holidays"
there was no movement for me. just waiting and waiting and i felt stuck. i kept pushing my availability so many times that i felt like i wasn't gonna leave at all. i saw it as a sign that maybe i wasn't ready. i began doubting myself and my capabilities and at times i felt like i wasn't good enough. this period has tested and tried my strengths and weaknesses so hard. and i kept questioning myself. so many questions actually...  like am i ready or prepared enough to serve? am i  good enough of a person to serve? am i doing this for my parents? am i doing this for myself? my doubts really took over me. then one day when everything wasn't going as planned, when my papers had a minor glitch and were delaying the process of me receiving it before leaving for vacation, when i still had to set up another doctors visit to fix a medical error on my papers, when my patience was being tried as i wait for my papers to go through the application process (for the second time!!!), and finally when i felt like i couldn't push any harder, i realized why i felt so hurt and so defeated. i needed to go on a mission. not that i want to but that i need to share the happiness i feel from the gospel to those who need to hear it. and all these pop-up's were distractions and it took me away from the true meaning of why i was doing this. 

i was tested so hard. but i am so glad that i was. i realized that i was not doing this for myself. a lot of return missionaries say that when they were on the field they felt complete selflessness because they were serving other people. but i felt that even before i got my calling. i was preparing and pushing for my papers to be fully completed for the future people i will serve. i did it for them. why? because when i get to teach them, whoever it may be, i know it will change their lives completely, like it did for me. i can't wait for when i go! i know i will get to learn more about myself and how i can be better each day so i can be a better missionary for those who need me.

i'm gonna serve a mission!! wahoooo!

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